How to ask people to do things without feeling like a jerk.
Most people who are bad at delegating aren't control freaks. They just feel bad asking.
You picture the other person's to-do list getting longer. You think "it's faster if I just do it." So you keep everything, and slowly become the bottleneck for your whole team.
Why the guilt is wrong
When you hand off the right thing, you're not dumping work on someone. You're handing them ownership, visibility, and a chance to learn something. Plenty of people are waiting for exactly that.
And the ops version: if everything routes through you, you're a single point of failure. The day you're sick, on leave, or buried, it all stops.
What to hand off (and what to keep)
- Hand off anything someone else can do about 80% as well as you, anything that repeats every week, and anything that would stretch someone who's ready for more.
- Keep the decisions that are genuinely yours, and sensitive people conversations.
- Don't only hand off the boring stuff. Give away some of the good work too.
The script
A good ask has five parts. What it is, why them, what done looks like, when, and what they can decide without you.
Notice what's missing. There's no apology.
Swap the apology for a capacity check
- Instead of "Sorry, I know you're slammed, but…" try "What would need to move for you to take this on?"
- Instead of "No pressure if you can't…" try "Can you let me know by tomorrow if this works?"
- Instead of "I'd do it myself, but…" try nothing. You don't need to justify it.
Asking peers (when you're not their boss)
- Be specific. "Can you review section 3 by Friday?" gets a yes faster than "can you take a look?"
- Say why it matters to them or to something they care about.
- Make it easy to say no, and mean it. A real no is better than a fake yes that never happens.
- Offer something back when you can. Favors run both ways.
After you hand it off
- Don't hover. Agree on one check-in, then leave them alone.
- Don't take it back at the first mistake. Coach it, then let them try again.
- Give credit out loud when it goes well.
My free manager cheat sheets have more scripts like this, and the 1:1 template is a good place to agree on the check-ins.
What's one thing you've been meaning to hand off? Tell me →